Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

About a month ago, Eric, Grace and I took a trip to Detroit for business. My business. Eric was responsible for Grace during the day while I went to work.  A complete role reversal.  They had a great time together while doing lots of sightseeing and field trips. When we would meet up at the end of the day, Eric was quick to praise the job I've done with Grace and quick to pour himself a glass something strong. I get it. I reaaaallly get it. Babies will take everything you got, and still want more.  He also remarked, almost everyday, how much attention he got for being a dad.


I'm literally asking him to describe what it was like right now: people came running to meet his needs. They didn't just look at him, they smiled at him, like they could tell he is a super guy. A real catch. "I'm not imagining this.  When I was in Guess, I had four girls helping me.  And everyone else in the store was ignored."

My husband is an attractive, charismatic dude, and my baby is adorable. I'm not surprised that people give them a little extra attention.  Grace gets a lot of attention when I bring her places. What's different about our experiences, I think, is that people treat Eric plus Grace as a novelty instead of a norm. Oh he's being a dad! How cute!  

About a week ago, we were out with friends for dinner, and one of our friends asked Eric if he's going to be playing basketball this season. ("season." It's legit.  I'm basically a baller wife.)  Another one of our friends, a bit under his breath, said, "I don't think he has permission..." in kind of a, don't bring it up tone.  I don't think anything personal was meant by this comment, but it stung a little.  Like, I am The Mom and I don't give little Eric permission to go out and play basketball with his little buddies.
Now, the reason the aforementioned friend doesn't think Eric has permission to play basketball is because when Eric was initially asked to play and started to agree, I had to interrupt because of a schedule conflict. Eric has guys' night on Wednesdays, and I get to embrace my inner show choir geek all by myself on Thursday nights. It's my one thing a week that is built into my schedule, and as Eric was almost agreeing to play basketball on my night, I felt I had better remind him -- "I have choir on Thursdays!"

I know about a million of you reading this are saying, "I'll help! I'll watch Grace on Thursdays!" Awesome!  Maybe Eric will take you up on that offer.  But starting at 5:30 on Thursdays, I get a few hours to myself, and I don't have to think about finding a babysitter, or waking the baby if she takes a late nap to get out of the house on time, etc etc etc.  I like knowing that at 5:30, I can just go and trust my partner, my baby's dad, to take care of things.  Whether that's going for a walk and watching football together, eating dinner and watching football together, or taking her to her grandparents so he can play basketball and then watch football together (with the boys) -- any and all of these options are fully supported by this mom -- Dad's in charge, and I don't even have to think about it.

And then, two days later, the Packers killed the Vikings on Thursday night football. While the announcers filled airspace, they discussed Christian Ponder's new baby and how Ponder will be "babysitting" this weekend because his wife works as a reporter for ESPN.

Hold up. Can we please consult our old friends Miriam and Webster to find the definition of the word babysit?

"To care for children usually during a short absence of the parents."  

Wikipedia, what say you on the topic of babysitting?

"Babysitting is temporarily caring for a child...The majority of time, babysitting workers tend to be in middle school, high school or college." 

Do you see where I'm going with this, folks? Christian Ponder is a dad. A parent. NOT THE BABYSITTER. This is 2014. As much as I love Joan Holloway, I didn't know I was living on the set of Mad Men. People have asked me, especially in the early months when I was out in public away from Grace, "is Eric babysitting?"  It takes everything in my power not to FREAK OUT and throw a dictionary, but I usually just remark that yes, he is caring for his daughter and yes it is nice to be out and about.  Is babysitting a misunderstood term?  Maybe.  But no one has ever asked Eric if I was home "babysitting" our baby.

I felt bad for Mr. Ponder, not only because he's Christian Ponder, but also because the announcers didn't give him credit as a new parent, and reduced him to a babysitter. His football skills might be comparable to someone in "middle school, high school, or college" but as a Dad, I bet he's great.

So what's the take away here? Stop undermining the dads. Dads are vital to the parenting equation.  I know the first few months it's mostly all about the mom and baby bond.  I get that. I also get that it's really intimidating to care for a tiny person!  I understand that many times, the mom takes to it in a way that seems natural (even though it's hard!), while the dad struggles to keep up, and occasionally, gives up. And can you blame the guy? Not if he's being reduced to a babysitter. Not when ladies at malls and zoos and parks fawn over dads with babies like they are exceptional. Not when guys just "talk like guys" and set up moms to feel like a wet blanket.  And definitely not when 30 million people hear that a dad is simply babysitting, when, really, he's going to work his ass off as a single parent for the weekend.  As a society, I think we need to change the language we use when we talk about dads and babies.  Dads aren't babysitters.  They are dads.  They are protectors, providers, snugglers, diaper changers, squash-feeders, toe-ticklers, and itsybitsy spider players.  Dads do all of these things well, and they do them differently from moms. They are not part-time care givers.  They are DADS.

"Now this is role reversal." - Grace

 I am fortunate my husband tunes out what society says and regularly shows up as a dad.  We made the decision to have a baby together, and we share the responsibility of raising Grace together.  Just like the house we bought together, the cars we bought together, and the purses we bought together. Now...is it Thursday yet?