This is what preschool looks like

I can't.

I brought my baby to preschool today. This is the first thing she's ever really, truly done without me.  This is exactly the thing that gets me right, square in the feels; rendering me useless, snotty, incapacitated by love, respect and admiration for the person I am raising.  Good thing my big girl is so exuberant, so ready for playing and learning, I have nary a moment to do all the weeping my heart would like to. 

I could go on and on but this isn't about me.  It's about Eric's new amazing camera.

The fact that they were both willing to wear the outfits I wanted them to wear is nothing short of amazing.

*pose*

Here are a few things about today that I would like to remember:  Everyone got up in a happy mood. Grace asked if the hurricane (Irma) was over when she crawled in my bed early this morning. She forgot it was a preschool day until I reminded her and then said with a grin, "YES! I can't WAIT! Do I need to pack a lunch?"  Eric stayed home to behave like a paparazzo  help get us out the door and also made the girls french toast sticks and sausages for breakfast.  I ran around like a whirling dervish getting things ready for our big departure, and peeled the girls and I an apple after we snapped our photos.

↑This is when Grace grew tired of our picture taking and enjoying the moment-ing and demanded we get in the classroom already.  Can I introduce you to Mrs. S again?, I asked.  Mom, I already know who Mrs. S is, she replied.  It is also worth noting that little Miss Elle did not want to leave with her mom, but wanted to stay and play with Grace at "coooool."

↓Then I gave Grace and one of her pals a little reminder that if they needed to find a friend today, they could remember they already had one.

↓This is when Eric said it was time to go and I wrapped my arms around Grace long enough to sustain me for 2.5 hours without her. 

↓And this is the part where I said I'm so freaking proud of you, and then remembered she's in preschool now so I had better work on my language. 

Oh, how I wish I could have been a fly on the wall today.  Grace didn't share too many details about her first day, but she told me she didn't cry, she liked singing songs the best, and she felt a little shy during snack time so her teacher let her walk around the room a little bit 😭 and she felt better.

It's funny because I couldn't understand why I felt so bittersweet about this big day, especially because Gracie has been nothing but excited about starting preschool.  I think though, it has something to do with the fact that when Grace was first born I was really overwhelmed by how much she needed me. Not just generally how needy babies are, but how she really seemed to need me and only me.  Even as a newborn she didn't like to be held by other people.  That took a bit of getting used to, all of that need, and required a bit of rewiring in my brain and heart.  Then I got used to it, and now I have to rewire again, letting her have control of how some of those wires go.  Except now it is just as clear as day that she never really needed me anywhere near as much as I need her. 💞