As I turn another year older, I've been thinking a lot about how and why I am the way I am. How much am I responsible for me, and how much am I a composite of all the experiences and conditions of my past and present? At what point is a person able to really make their own choices, free from their past conditioning? I find myself watching children, studying how they navigate the world, wondering what goes on in their little heads. It’s especially interesting to me, watching kids and how they interact with adults. Some are defiant, some quick to listen, some speak to any and every adult they can, some shrink behind their parent’s leg and whisper replies only a mom or dad can translate. When I was a child, I understood a happy adult was better than an unhappy adult, and I could make adults happy by listening well and being polite. At some point, as life got more complicated--more children in my family, leaving my safe home environment for the wild west of public school--listening well became my mantra to feel safe and secure; and doing my best to keep adults happy, to be a bright spot amidst my rambunctious peers, became my job. I was praised for my maturity and ability, and I was hooked -- the positive reinforcement made following directions and listening to adults my main objective.
