DIY bathroom things

It's been a minute, eh?  I thought the pandemic would give me tons of time to write and reflect so I could polish this blog into a sweet little influencer deal; as it turns out the last thing I want to do is write about my heavy thoughts after living through the tragedy and trauma of Covid. Plus, running this place with the addition of virtual school, home school and zoom everything does not actually leave me with much free time.  Instead, I find myself reading about subjects I never gave much thought to (public health, epidemiology) synthesizing these things ("Eric what does this actually mean")  and then getting to work.  

Around my house.  Because existential anxiety is best spent on PROJECTS. In short, we have harnessed the incredible power of YouTube to become DIY phenoms.

This bathroom, the kids bathroom, was original to our house, built in 1980.  We suspected a leak behind the shower and needed to replace the entire tub and shower unit. Cost: $5K.  I knew if we were going to start down the path of a reno, I wouldn't be able to stop, but my budget did not support exactly what I wanted, ESPECIALLY because the vanity was custom built to fit the space and we could not find a pre built one to fit the exact specifications, unless we wanted to spend another $5K.  Which we did not.  I figured stripping the wallpaper, painting the walls and maybe a new rug and accessories would get me through.  

It did not. 

I am terrible at remembering to take before shots, so these are all I've got.  I also found this one from Snapchat archives on a day Grace was particularly amusing.

After the tub and shower were redone, I couldn't stand the dark brown cabinetry, so I painted it. I thought that would get me through.  

It did not.

I couldn't stand the dark brown linoleum floors or the beige countertop and brown sink.  So I got to work. Read on for the order of operations and allll the trial and errors.

I primed the cabinets and floors with regular primer, then painted the vanity Sherwin Williams Oleander, which was leftover from Grace's room. At this point I had spent no money on these little facelifts, which was exciting, but I knew I'd have to put a small amount of cash into this space in order to finish it off.  I was hoping to keep it under $300 for materials and accessories, knowing that all of this might blow up in my face and I could certainly sell off some personal assets (old auto show wardrobe, you feel me Ford peeps) for $300 and keep the peace in my marriage.  

Next up: walls.

The walls were a bit of a mess because of the damage done from the wallpaper (our plumber was kind enough to come over and re-mud them for me) so I sanded them, cleaned them, primed them with 2 coats of heavy duty primer and then painted with leftover paint from a previous project (Snowbound from SW).  I ended up needing more, so I opted for a gallon of their mid-grade paint and gave the walls 3 coats to make sure they looked and felt even. Cost: $50.

I investigated the best way to paint a floor, and the pinterest community recommended this floor paint by Rustoleum.  The internets were all out of stock and it was not carried at my local hardware stores so I visited my paint guys at Sherwin Williams where they spent 15 minutes trying to talk me OUT of painting my floors, before I told them I had already primed them so they may as well tell me what to do next.  They grudgingly suggested their porch paint, and because I enjoyed the brightness the primed floor provided, I opted for white.  The paint has held up well, it was super easy to apply, and my only comment is that white shows all the sins of a kids' bathroom.  This felt like a splurge: $55 for the floor. 

Around the same time, I investigated how to fix my sink and countertop.  Both were in good shape so they didn't need to be replaced, PLUS I want to eventually turn this into a double sink, so I didn't want to spend on a cheapie counter and sink if I didn't have to.  Enter appliance epoxy spray paint. This stuff is nasty and I should have used a respirator, but it is MIRACULOUS.  I sanded the sink and counter, cleaned it well, and then gave it two coats of this.  You have to follow the directions very carefully because of the dry time, and it has self leveling properties so DON'T MESS WITH IT because it's not forgiving.  It's held up really well, is easy to clean with Norwex products and other wipes, and in a pinch for a project like this, I highly recommend it.  There's a tiny portion at the bottom of the sink that didn't dry perfectly flat, but that part is usually covered in bright blue bubble gum scented toothpaste so I don't get too bent out of shape about it.  I needed two cans, one from a hardware store and ordered the other on Amazon, spent about $12 total. 

About this time, I ordered some wallpaper from Amazon to line the vanity drawers.  I loved the contrast of the paper inside the pink vanity and decided to order more to see if the girls might like it on a wall or two. 

They didn't, but I did! For $40, I lined all the drawers and gave them a cute accent wall.  When we get sick of it, I won't feel bad because it was so reasonable, and it's a breeze to work with because it's peel and stick!

Next, I ordered nearly every type of hardware known to mankind.  I thought this would be an easy decision but I was WRONG. I was torn between a cohesive look (brushed nickel in the shower, and silver sink faucet), going off book with a splash of gold, or strengthen the overall design with black.  After literal days of agonizing, I found a cute gold mirror at TJ Maxx and I took that as a sign the hardware should be gold.  I spent $10 on these cabinet pulls and had three left over!

Then, I got to do the fun stuff.  Target, TJ Maxx and Hobby Lobby provided me with sconces, the mirror, rug, shower curtain and cute art and accessories to polish this room off. 

The accessories, closet and drawer organization put me a bit over budget, but by this point, I knew the space could be enjoyed for at least a few years and I was willing to spend a little extra to make it shine.  The entire project cost me just over $350.  

I did this project, with the exception of plumbing and hanging the wallpaper, by myself.  Eric was mostly neutral about it, with the exception of a few raised eyebrows and skeptical glances from time to time. When he ordered the print of Princess Leia curling her hair (below) and presented it to me as a possibility for the girls bathroom, I knew I had won him over.  That may have been my favorite part of this whole process. 

Oh, I also sanded,

primed and painted the shutters with materials I already had! And every seam in the joint got a thin line of caulk to make sure all the edges were clean.

The wall behind the toilet was designed by shopping the rest of my house.  It's cute enough for now, and easy enough to change up with the seasons or when I save enough pennies to find something exactly right. 

This was a labor of love-- for what it is, what it represents, and for what I learned-- it ended up being labor I loved doing for a space that befits two girls I love more than anything. 

You can come see it if you're vaccinated :)

Apathy

Once upon a time, a beautiful young girl was busy looking beautiful when she was plucked from obscurity and thrust into her dream life by forces beyond her control, without being consulted about what her dream life looked like, because who cares! Everyone seemed so sure she was living her dream life that she was elated!  Why should she question what everyone else sanctioned?

We do a lot of princess stories at my house.  If you can't tell, I have some issues with the traditional narrative.  I find myself editing stories as I read: "The beautiful princess *who was strong and smart* went into the forest..."

I was raised on these stories, these Cinderella stories about good girls who kept their heads down, did the right thing and were richly rewarded with *the best* life.  Take for example, Gisele Bundchen, who was scouted while eating a BIG MAC, then POOF was on her way to become one of the most iconic supermodels of all time.  I’m sure you’re familiar with the teen movie narrative from the late 90’s and early aughts featuring nerdy or goth girls who didn’t fit in, who somehow caught the eye of the big man on campus and were catapulted to prom queen popularity.  I love She’s All That as much as anyone, but I wonder if stories like this have conditioned me and a generation of women into doing a lot of waiting.  Waiting to be seen.  Waiting to be rescued.

A few weeks ago I had a health scare and had to go to the Emergency Room.  I’m fine, I passed out due to a little extra estrogen combined with low blood pressure.  It was scary, though, and as I lay in the ER bed, I prayed I was fine so I could go back to doing what I do for my family, to enjoy our time together. 

Coming home, I realized that was a stupid prayer.

Mom, I’m hungry!  Where’s my lightsaber?  Can you carry me up the stairs?  Can you help me open this? Take me to the bathroom!  Help me turn the lights on, I’m scared!  Etc, etc, etc.

It is nice to be needed, but I realized that with all the things going on in my life-- the home schooling, the 24/7 togetherness, the overwhelm happening in the world at large-- perhaps my physical body had maxed out it’s input. The rest I needed felt impossible, because if you are a mother you know why.  I was waiting to be rescued...because if the damsel in distress doesn’t get rescued after LITERALLY FAINTING, when does she?

Here’s what I learned: you are not going to be rescued unless you wait forever, or until you ask to be rescued, and better yet, if you present a detailed plan for how this looks. No one else is going to do it for you.

Because of COVID this damsel in distress couldn't even wait inside to be rescued and had to sit on a curb to wait for her knight in shining Pacifica. 

The next day, after not even being able to sleep without interruption, I sat myself down and said, self, you have been under a lot of stress lately. Admitting this doesn’t make you weak or ungrateful, it makes you honest.  The world is literally burning.  You are responsible for raising and educating your children.  You are a teacher, a nurse, a laundress, a chef, a housekeeper, a playmate, gardener, handywoman, counselor, adjudicator, emotional barometer, etc.  No one is going to step in to save you, mostly because everyone is under just as much stress as you are right now, and also because we can’t touch many of the people you ask or pay for help. What this time has taught you is that you are the one you have been waiting for. You are the only one who knows what you need, and it's up to you to communicate it. You are the cavalry.  You are going to rescue yourself from this.

I started to establish some boundaries.  I am toughening up when my kids guilt me for not playing with them.  I remind Elle she can use the bathroom by herself.  I am sitting down to eat a meal and encouraging independence if my kids need things while I’m sitting.  I allow more screen time than I would like so I can exercise, or write this essay. I am reminding my husband that I need a schedule and a lot of communication before the weekends, otherwise I get swept up in the action and don’t get a break. I wouldn’t say things are miraculously different, but I try to keep one small promise to myself everyday, and by doing so I feel like a person, and I remind my family that I am a person.  I am the cavalry, and I’m trying to empower myself to lead a life I love, not just a life that happens to me, as lovely as it may be. 

This is hard work, because I have been conditioned to wait, to be rescued, to accept what I have as *ideal* omg enjoy every minute, they grow so fast!, as if my life outside of my children isn’t worth savoring. Anyway, I’m new at this, and as with any new skill, I make a lot of mistakes. Sometimes I give up and give in, sometimes I get bitchy instead of assertive, and oftentimes I want a current of apathy to take me away to just enjoy the view of my kids laughing, and to stop doing the hard work of thinking about and planning for what I want.     

 

I think apathy is weaved into our culture as part of the princess narrative; if we are conditioned to wait and be rescued, why should we care what happens after that? And how convenient for those who are doing the rescuing!  They are our heroes, not just because they are saving us from whatever evil may threaten us, but because they are providing a framework for the rest of our story!  Once we are rescued, we can just bide our time as one in relation to the rescuer.  We become apathetic to our own happy ending because we’re never given the chance to decide what it is.  Our conditioning is apathy, and I see it everywhere.

I have encountered apathy in several conversations lately, all of which had to do with our impending election. I can tell these individuals care about the state of our country, but they are also grappling with forces outside of their control, forces and institutions that they identify with, that give them direction and inform their worth.  I've heard things like, The system is screwed anyway; they’re all corrupt; Washington doesn’t work!  APATHY. Apathy is easy. Apathy is convenient, especially in a world as overwhelming as ours. Apathy can even sound noble sometimes, I don’t know how to pick the lesser of two evils, as if we are above being involved in the systems that structure our lives, as if it’s not our fault that things have atrophied into what they are.    

I invite you to rescue yourself from apathy and institutions cloaked as knights in shining armor who think they know what is best for you, who have told you they know what is best for you through their doctrine, their shame, their invitation to belong contingent upon following their rules.  You are the only one who can save us from the shit show that is slowly killing us.

Like me with the boundaries, we have to do the hard work of planning for what we want.  If we are not content to throw up our hands and be swept up in a current of apathy while things burn down around us, I invite you to first watch Hamilton for a little motivation, and then get to work. I have some ideas if you don’t know where to start:

Turn off Fox News. Please for the love of God turn it off!  If you don’t trust other news sources, some places to get unbiased information are Issue Voter and Voter411.  It can be overwhelming, so make sure you take in information in small doses (I mean small-- a few minutes at a time) and give yourself a lot of breaks (boundaries!).

Resist the binary. 

I live in a community where signs that say “WE BACK THE BADGE” and “THIN BLUE LINE” abound.  I would like to invite you to think about racial injustice and policing as more of a spectrum and less of a binary.  It is not either Black lives OR the police.  It is Black lives, and the police. Resist the binary, in all things, as often as you can. 

If you are an “issue voter,” I invite you to read the two articles below to challenge the conventional arguments behind the two big issues, abortion and guns:  

https://www.designmom.com/twitter-thread-abortion/

https://www.designmom.com/lets-talk-about-protecting-our-families/

Also, the court has been conservative for decades and Roe has not been overturned. What do you think you're waiting for?  

It bears mentioning, Jesus was actually a liberal.

Last -- apathy, if nothing else, is a symptom of privilege.  If you don’t think the way you vote matters, or that you don’t have time or energy to think critically and independently about the unique issues that face us right now, it is because you are in a position of privilege.  Privilege does NOT mean your life is without hardship, or that you haven’t worked to get where you are.  It’s the unspoken advantage that comes with being born into a majority group, and the unique protections and opportunities offered by that majority.  Apathy is the privilege of belonging to a group that you trust to keep your life as is, without having to think much about it. 

This year has been hard.  It’s not getting any easier, but we are getting tougher.  Set your boundaries, preserve your mental wellness, and resist apathy.  You are the one you’ve been waiting for. 

Safer at home

She is so ready for us to leave.

This is what 36 looks like

As I turn another year older, I've been thinking a lot about how and why I am the way I am. How much am I responsible for me, and how much am I a composite of all the experiences and conditions of my past and present? At what point is a person able to really make their own choices, free from their past conditioning? I find myself watching children, studying how they navigate the world, wondering what goes on in their little heads. It’s especially interesting to me, watching kids and how they interact with adults.  Some are defiant, some quick to listen, some speak to any and every adult they can, some shrink behind their parent’s leg and whisper replies only a mom or dad can translate. When I was a child, I understood a happy adult was better than an unhappy adult, and I could make adults happy by listening well and being polite.  At some point, as life got more complicated--more children in my family, leaving my safe home environment for the wild west of public school--listening well became my mantra to feel safe and secure; and doing my best to keep adults happy, to be a bright spot amidst my rambunctious peers, became my job. I was praised for my maturity and ability, and I was hooked -- the positive reinforcement made following directions and listening to adults my main objective. 

This is what 3.5 looks like

Elle, I apologize for not doing this in a more timely manner. Your birthday fell in the middle of a crazy season for our family—a few trips, a big show, and then summer. 

Eric warned me not to publish this

I posted this yesterday, and then took it down because it felt like too much to lay bare. I have five other essays I’ve written that are sitting, unpublished, because they’re very personal and vulnerable and frankly I don’t want to burden anyone else with my stuff, or defend my work, or wonder what people think about it. But I read something recently that said it’s not the job of the artist to chase after her work, defending it. That’s a lawyers job. Luckily, I know a good lawyer, so I’m just going to set the art free, and allow you to do with it what you will. 💗

This is what 5 looks like

My girl.